Accountability and Confrontation, Dirty Words…

For most of us, either of these issues are inviting. We don’t want to share our most personal matters with almost anyone, especially bad habits, thoughts, actions. but…we need to in order to grow a healthy and Godly Christian life. It is difficult to find someone you can trust not to blab to others, and one who will listen! As I see it being a counselor myself, listening is a lost “art.” People constantly over talk or interrupt or their facial expression tells you they are not listening. I think over talking bothers me he most. It says to me, “what you are saying isn’t important, I know better than you…” I just really dislike it and a lot of people do it on a continuing basis. Years ago when I was a new Christian and not yet in ministry, I had a retail store. People use to come in, sit down in the small sitting area I had, and many times pour out their hearts to me. I had always been a”people” person but this was different, I was almost compelled to pay attention. At times, I would start to interrupt, and would sense the Holy Spirit urging me to keep quiet. When it happened more than occasionally, I gave it some serious thought and prayer, and realized the Lord was teaching me to shut MY mouth and just listen. Later I learned by experience that good counseling was mostly a matter of listening. Most of the time, God has an answer for troubled people, something in His Word that can be applied or used as a guideline. If you are doing all the talking, you cannot hear what your friend is trying to tell you. And…it goes without saying, if you are not in the Word, living close to the Lord, you will have no answers for them. Now confrontation is another whole ball game…Again, a very close relationship to the Lord and deep knowledge of the Word and Biblical principles are essentials to be effective in confrontation. A Godly walk will draw others to you when they face situations they cannot handle alone. There are a few “rules” in confronting, 1/ being honest and direct, choosing your words carefully. Also watch YOUR body language. But do not beat around the bush, weigh what needs to be said and lay it squarely on the line. Be as loving as possible, non-judgmental, with the aim of giving the person a way to see the situation from god’s point of view. And never, ever confront anyone in anger or you’ve lost your opportunity to help another grow in the Lord, they will back off, perhaps permanently. If possible use an action you’ve seen so that you can be specific and not generalize…generalizing feels like an attack and you do not want that. Where possible be empathetic. If you’ve walked in their shoes, tell them so, it will help them realize you are not criticizing. And I think most important, be affirming. We never know what kind of childhood and upbringing they may have had, possibly never feeling adequate, being told they are stupid and useless. You will be surprised how many people have serious damage from childhood, damage only God can heal…and you may be the conduit He wants to use to accomplish it. Earn the right to confront…listen carefully to the Holy Spirit’s checks and act on them. That way you keep short accounts with the Lord and are always ready to be used in His service. Opportunities frequently come when we aren’t looking for them, so be alert…and ready!